hand-to-hand
by Empress of Everything
Summary: Edith Elric needs something to do 2 years after the Promised Day. Al is in Xing, she got their bodies back, and her research is complete. Roy suggests she become a teacher. It may not have been his best idea... {AU, Fem!Edward, no slash.}
1. Chapter 1

_A/N: Edited and reposted 11/2/17_

* * *

Roy gave his uninvited guest/seemingly permanent resident of his office the fifth withering glance in as many minutes. The obnoxious blonde woman ignored him.

 _Again._

She was just sitting there on his couch, balancing a pencil by the eraser on the tip of her nose. _Nice to see all that training we put into her hasn't gone to waste_ , he thought crossly as he scribbled his signature on yet another form. Of all the officers she could have bothered, did she really have to bug him? Hadn't he put up with enough of her crap and smart-mouthing to last a lifetime or three?

Clearly the Gate was messing with him for the sheer fun of it.

Now she had a pencil balanced on her nose and five in a sort of pyramid-cone-like thing on her left hand. Is this what she did in her spare time? He cleared his throat, making her break her concentration and all six pencils drop. Cursing, she whipped around to give him one of her infamous glares.

"What was that for, Colonel Useless?"

Roy rolled his eyes, keeping an eye on her and the other on his paperwork. "One, I'm not a Colonel anymore. I'm a General, and it would be nice if you actually addressed me by my proper rank for once. Two, I'm not useless. Three, you really need to find a new place to hang out. I don't mind the company most of the time, as long as you aren't blowing things up, but have they really not given you a new assignment? It's been two years, Fullmetal, you need something to do that isn't bothering me."

The golden woman pouted, slouching into the couch. "I don't have anything else to do." She tugged on her long braid in frustration.

In the past two years since the Promised Day, Edith had let her hair grow out. It came down past her pert, rounded rear. Not that Roy was looking. No, he simply… _admired_ the assets of his pretty subordinate. Or was it former? He still wasn't sure, now that the military had been reorganized. Edith Elric had sort of slipped through the cracks of Grumman's administration. Whether it was on purpose or an accident, Roy was grateful to the Furher. She and her brother had been in no shape to deal with military matters right after the Promised Day.

"Come on, _Lieutenant-Colonel_ Elric," he laid emphasis on her rank as her nose scrunched up in distaste. "Surely you can come up with something to do that isn't lazing about my office. What happened to your trip West? "

Edith shifted uncomfortably, a rather sheepish look on her face. "Um, well…the people of Gallica didn't want me around?" She offered weakly.

( _The truth was she_ had _gone West for a couple of weeks. As it turns out, golden former alchemists who have a knack for finding trouble in empty rooms turn into legendary figures when they accidentally blow up three towns sans alchemy in the space of a week. The tale of "Or Diable Elle" would be passed down for centuries in Gallica, confusing Amestrian historians for years._

 _When asked, Edith would deny any and all involvement until her dying day._ )

Roy sighed, knowing better to ask for details. If he didn't know, then he could deny any involvement or responsibility for her actions. "What about your research?"

"Completed it while I was in the hospital and recovering back home. What did you think I've been _doing_ for the past two years?" Her tart voice flowed over him like water as Roy cast his eyes about, trying to think of something, _anything_ , for Edith to do. His eyes fell on a recent letter he had received. _Bingo_.

"Why don't you become a teacher?"


	2. Chapter 2

_A/N: Edited and reposted 11/2/17_

* * *

Edith stared at Roy as if he had suddenly grown another head and it looked like Envy. "Become a teacher," she repeated blankly.

Roy nodded. "Yes, a teacher. That is what I said, Edith."

She didn't say anything for a long time, just stared at him with her frankly disconcerting gold eyes. No matter how long he had been babysitting the brat, her eyes still bothering him sometimes. As the silence stretched on with no end in sight, Roy wondered what was going through her mind. Probably some version of _Fucking_ s _tupid_ _idiot of a colonel, does he not think before he opens his mouth? Of course he doesn't, this is Roy we're talking about._

He was close, but off by just a bit.

"A teacher. You want me," she pointed a finger at her chest. "To be in control of small children for hours on end? I don't even like kids all that much!"

Roy shook his head, not at all surprised that she had misunderstood him. "No, not a teacher of children, though that is a possibility." Ed made a strangled sound in the back of her throat. "Okay, maybe not. But look at this." He picked up the letter that had sparked this whole crazy idea and held it out to her. She took it carefully, as if handling a deadly snake.

Roy resisted the urge to roll his eyes.

 _"Dear Lieutenant-General Mustang,"_

"Wait a second, if the letter is about _me_ , why is it addressed to _you_?"

"Because I think you are still considered my subordinate and you don't have a mailing address. Now just read the stupid letter."

"Fine, fine, don't get your panties in a twist." Ed cleared her throat and began again.

 _"Dear Lieutenant-General Mustang,_

 _It has come to my attention that your subordinate, the Fullmetal Alchemist, Major Edith Elric, has been unassigned for the past several months._

 _We have found ourselves in need of a combat instructor and have heard that Major Elric is currently not on active duty. Would it be possible for her to come down here on a trial basis to determine if she is fit for the post? If so, we can put in a request to Furher Grumman to have her assigned here in a more permanent position._

 _Sincerely,_

 _Major General Johansson_

 _Headmaster of the Royal Amestrian Military Academy_

"A combat teacher?" Edith's eyebrows decorated her hairline. She looked vaguely disturbed by the thought. Roy nodded.

"I get letters like that all the time, asking if you can do this or go here…"

"Or be a dancing monkey?" Ed finished dryly.

Roy shrugged, conceding the point. Not only had Edith been the youngest State Alchemist, she had been the only female one as well. She had quite a reputation in the military, so it made sense people would be curious about her, even after she had disappeared from the public eye.

The number of times Roy had had to plead with the former Furher, King Bradley, to let Ed remain under his command when a higher ranking officer had tried to poach her, hoping to make himself look better…Well, Roy had lost count after the first twenty times.

( _Though if he was being honest, Roy knew Bradley had only let the then teenager stay with him because Ed would have had the temper tantrum of the century if she was transferred. And no other officer would have been able to deal with her bratty behavior and insubordination like Roy did._ )

Edith sighed, tapping a finger on her chin.

"I normally refuse these requests since you've been off active duty for two years, but now that you're back, maybe it would be a good idea to take up this offer. Besides, it's combat, Ed. You've been fighting for years. You'd be good at this sort of thing."

Ed's nose twitched as she thought. "They got my rank wrong," she pointed out. "And I'm not the Fullmetal Alchemist anymore," she said quietly. Her eyes flicked down to stare at her right hand, clenching and unclenching it. She didn't regret giving up her alchemy. Never. Its loss meant she had her brother back and he was more important than any stupid science. She just hated being called Fullmetal. It brought back too many memories, memories that _hurt_.

 _Hohenheim leaving._

 _The horrible, horrible night that had changed her and Al's lives._

 _Painful rehabilitation that made her want to curl up in a ball and die, but knowing she had to be strong for her brother. He needed her. She couldn't be weak when he needed her to be strong._

 _Four long years of traipsing about the country, desperately hoping that they could find a way to get their bodies back…_

 _All the fights. So many fights. So much blood on her hands So much death… Nina. Scar. Greed. Ling. Lan Fan. Buccaneer. Hughes, oh_ Hughes _…_

Roy's voice jerked her out of her introspective moment. It was abrupt, but she was glad he was there to keep her from going down that morbid path that occupied her thoughts more than she liked to remember. That was why she had come to Roy; subconsciously, she knew he could tell her what to do, help keep the ghosts away for a little while longer.

"Look, if you want to do this, I can ask the Furher and maybe he can assign you there. That way, you'll have steady pay, an official position, _and_ you'll be out of my hair." Roy gave her an appraising look, as if he knew what had been going through her mind. Knowing Mustang, he probably did. Ed leaned back, studying the letter in silence. It was a real sign of her maturity that she was actually considering the idea instead of dismissing it out of hand.

Roy knew he had to do something about Ed's position before Grumman had her reassigned somewhere else. Her place in the military was…odd, to say the least. For the past two years, she had been on a medical leave of absence while she and Al recovered their strength.

Grumman had stopped by the hospital and spent a long time talking to her. He had made her an offer, asking if she would be willing to stay in the military, even if she was no longer an alchemist. She would keep her rank, possibly be promoted, but taken off of active duty while Al recovered. Edith and Al had talked about it for awhile and decided it would be best if she stayed. "Besides," she had said with a shrug at the time, "what else am I supposed to do?"

Grumman had been pleased, promoting her to Lieutenant-Colonel, much to her consternation and displeasure. She had never liked rank and such nonsense, but Roy managed to keep her calm. No one really knew what had happened outside of Al, Winry, and Roy's team. They hadn't broadcast her promotion to anyone. As soon as Al and Ed had been released from the hospital, they had gone back to Resembool and hadn't returned. Until now, that is.

To sum up, Ed was still in the military, Al was somewhere in Xing, and Roy was at his wits' end with the unruly woman.

Ed's nose twitched again. "Fine, I'll do it." A wicked smirk crossed her face and she rubbed her hands together, dropping the letter. "Besides, it might be fun."

Roy winced. Maybe this _wasn't_ such a good idea…


	3. Chapter 3

A/N: Edited and reposted 11/2/17

* * *

Roy felt nervous. That type of bone-deep, spine-tingling nervous he remembered from the last time he'd been at the Royal Academy, ready to take his final exam before being shipped off to the war. It was the same feeling and he did not like it.

Which was utterly ridiculous to be feeling this way. Edith was more than capable of handling herself. He just wasn't comfortable with her being under someone else's command. The irony wasn't lost on him; he was desperate for her to leave him alone, but when it came down to it, he'd rather have her under his command bothering him than not being able to check up on her.

He would not miss being responsible for her destructive habits, however. But would she take those habits with her? Oh geez, just how much trouble was she going to get into without his supervision? To be fair, she wasn't a reckless teenager anymore, having grown into an attractive, mostly level-headed woman. But her propensity toward wanton destruction and property damage was a habit he wasn't entirely convinced she'd outgrown.

"Mustang, you're fidgeting again."

The drawled observation pulled him back from the edge of a panic attack. Ed was slumped against the seat of the train, watching him through half-lidded eyes. She was smirking.

"Well, forgive me for being concerned, Edith. You could find trouble in an empty room. Even without your alchemy, you're dangerous."

It had been two weeks since Roy had replied to General Johansson's letter. In that time, Edith had thrown herself whole-heartedly into the plan. She had looked up the military's syllabus for hand-to-hand combat and had been sorely disappointed. It seemed the military didn't really teach much hand-to-hand, since most normal soldiers relied on their weapons. She'd had to come up with her own basic plan, phoning Izumi Curtis for several long chats ( _Roy had locked himself in his office and refused to listen in. Plausible deniability was a wonderful thing_ ), and scribbling constantly with an almost manic glee.

Roy had vetoed her suggestion of teaching them like she'd been taught with frantic haste.

She had sulked for three days.

Ed looked at Mustang with a smirk.

"Just you wait, Roy. Just. You. Wait."


	4. Chapter 4

A/N: Updated and reposted 11/2/17

* * *

General Johansson was sweating, tugging at his uniform collar that seemed even more constricting than usual. General Mustang and Major Elric were due to arrive any moment and he was _nervous_. He'd gone out on a limb asking General Mustang to loan one of his prized subordinates, the Fullmetal Alchemist for heavens' sake! This was folly. One could only hope he wouldn't be losing his job over this.

And then they arrived.

General Mustang exited the car first, offering his hand to the other passenger. It was abruptly shoved away as a woman climbed out, grumbling the whole way. A head of bright gold hair bobbed over to stand next to Mustang as the two walked over to meet him. As his eyes settled on the girl, Johansson whimpered.

The girl, ( _how could she_ ** _possibly_** _be the Fullmetal Alchemist?)_ , slouched with one hand jammed firmly in her pocket. The other held a battered suitcase that had seen _much_ better days. She wasn't wearing a uniform, unlike Mustang. Tight black pants, a _scandalously_ low cut black tank top, and a loose white jacket similar to her infamous red one. Black boots, a thick golden braid, and a strange tattoo on the left side of her chest right below her breastbone completed her look. She looked more like a sulky teenager than the Hero of Amestris.

General Johansson was beginning to doubt the sanity of this plan. He had wanted a _hero_ , someone famous who would boost recruitment, not a little girl who barely seemed to care enough to stand upright.

Intellectually, he _knew_ that the Fullmetal Alchemist was female. But it was one thing to know it. It was _entirely_ different to have a tiny female thrown in your face and be told _here, this is the Fullmetal Alchemist. Have fun controlling this hellion._ Maybe there was still time for Mustang to take her back so he could find someone else. Preemptive measures and all that.

"General Johansson, it's a pleasure to see you again," General Mustang's face was all good nature, a direct contrast to his subordinate skulking in the background.

"Good to see you again, as well." As the two shook hands, Johansson scrambled to find an excuse to back out of the agreement. Perhaps a direct approach would be best. "To be honest, General, I'm not sure Major Elric is the best fit for us."

Mustang's eyebrows shot up, a rare display of emotion for the younger officer. They hadn't even been on base for ten minutes and already the other General was making snap judgments? Just by looking at Edith? Why did he think she wouldn't be a good match here? Was it because of her gender? Or her height? Or her overall I-don't-give-a-shit-about-you-and-everything-you-care-for attitude?

Wait a second…

A soft voice cut in before Mustang could reply. "Well then it's a good thing Major Elric won't be working here." Both Generals looked at the girl. She was smirking as she leaned all her weight on one leg, her gloved hand resting on her cheek. Johansson began spluttering, Mustang looked a little disconcerted, and Edith's smirk grew.

"What do you mean you won't be working here? Why did you come if you don't intend to take the position?" An alligator like smile crossed her face. Mustang seemed to catch onto what she was doing and sighed, resting his face in one hand. The General didn't need to know he was hiding a smirk. Edith was almost _too_ good in finding out just which buttons to push. Six years of working with him must have trained her.

"Didn't say I wasn't working here." Ed shrugged. "I said Major Elric wasn't going to work here. _I'm_ not Major Elric." Johansson squawked ( _though he would deny it later_ ). She held up a hand. "Calm down, General, you're gonna give yourself a coronary. I'm _Lieutenant-Colonel_ Elric. Just thought you should know."

"When did that happen?" The General demanded, outraged that she had played him for a fool. Mustang was rubbing his chin, very obviously trying not to laugh at Johansson. His insubordinate subordinate shrugged.

"After the battle for Central. It just wasn't advertised. Not that it was anyone's business," she snarked. "Now, I've been traveling all day and I'd like to get cleaned up before you start introducing me to people." A single eyebrow raised. General Johansson sighed, wishing he had never though bringing the Fullmetal Alchemist here was a good idea, and gestured.

"This way please, Colonel. General." The two saluted each other. Roy turned to murmur something to the girl. She smirked and patted his shoulder. "See ya, Mustang. Try not to die of boredom or because of Hawkeye."

With that, Edith Elric entered the Royal Amestrian Military Academy.

Heaven help everyone inside.


	5. Chapter 5

_A/N: Edited and reposted 11/2/17_

* * *

Ed trailed after the dark haired General Something or other. He kept casting nervous glances at her ( _as if she couldn't see him; she had a limp, not crippled eyes, idiot_ ) and muttering about _demons_ , _hellions_ , and _oh, my poor career_. She wondered absently if he was quite right in the head.

"Follow me, Colonel Elric. I will introduce you to the senior staff and then we will give you a tour of the facilities."

Internally, she whimpered pitifully. Outwardly, her face didn't shift an inch. _But I want to take a shower! I've been sitting on a fucking train with_ ** _Mustang_** _for_ ** _hours_** _. I stink, I'm hungry, I need to change my clothes, and my scars are itching. Someone save me from this torment. PLEASE._ She knew full well what was going to happen; General Whatshisface was going to preen and show off the 'Fullmetal Alchemist' to his fellow officers, making himself look better.

Edith scowled. Senior officers were all the same. And no doubt many of them were going to resent her for making such a high rank at such a young age. Being the youngest State Alchemist was one thing. A Lieutenant Colonel at the age of 21 wouldn't be well received. _Why else did we keep this secret?_ Ed thought bitterly.

The General opened a door ahead of them and she realized with a jolt she hadn't seen any of the Academy as they walked. She'd been so focused on her thoughts she'd allowed herself to be distracted. Ed winced. Teacher would have roundhouse kicked her into next month if she knew.

Every eye was on her as she entered. _Oh fucking hell, why am I the only female in this entire room?_ She didn't bother straightening up or showing any form of respect. They no doubt were going to look down on her for being a woman, ( _she'd seen how hard General Armstrong had to fight to win the position she held_ ), so she would ignore their sexist comments and stares. She was a soldier and this was her assignment. ( _Interesting how much her thoughts had changed since the Promised Day._ ) She would complete it, and she'd show them that she was just as strong, if not stronger, than they were. She was _Edith Van Elric_ for fucks' sake.

With an audible sigh, she sat down, resisting the urge to prop her boots up on the table. Introductions began, which she tuned out at once, and focused instead on massaging her leg. _Too long on the train._

"Excuse me, Fullmetal Alchemist. Are you even listening?"

Lazy eyes raised to meet the gaze of the huffy looking Captain seated across from her. "I do have a name," she drawled out.

He sniffed. "You weren't listening."

"No," Ed said blithely. "I didn't hear a word you said. Nor do I care." He spluttered as she straightened up. Her eyes turned to flint.

"Let's get this out of the way right now so I don't have to repeat myself a thousand times: I am no longer the Fullmetal Alchemist. I retired from that position over two years ago." Her gold eyes swept over the stunned military men. "That's all I'm going to say. The rest is classified, marked as such by the _Furher_ himself." She placed special emphasis on the title. Before any questions could be asked, Ed rose, tipped her head slightly toward General Johansson, and excused herself.

She still needed that shower, for pities' sake.


	6. Chapter 6

_A/N: Updated and reposted 11/2/17_

* * *

Hiro, Xon, and Gryder were messing around their dorm room. The three had just entered the Academy a few days ago. So excited were they to join the mighty Amestrian military, they had applied for entrance as soon as they were eligible. They were best friends from childhood and were lucky to be assigned to the same room. All the underclassmen were getting settled in when they heard a light laugh from down the hall.

A _feminine_ laugh.

The boys traded startled glances. A girl? In their hall? This deserved investigation.

Three heads poked out their door to try and find the source of the laughter. Just down the hall was a telephone and there was a girl using it. Jerking his head, Xon indicated that they should listen in and maybe introduce themselves to the girl. After all, there were only a handful of ladies in the entire academy, so getting a head start might improve their chances with her.

As quietly as they could, all three boys slunk down the hall, trying not to be seen.

Another burst of laughter brought them to right around the corner of the phone. It was the perfect eavesdropping spot. Now they could hear everything she was saying without being seen. Her voice changed from playful to more sober.

"Yeah, I've gotten settled in okay. The room is exactly like all the military hotels I've stayed in in the past. No fuss, no muss. Just what I'm used to."

The golden haired girl slouched against the wall, twisting the phone cord around her finger. She was like no one they had ever seen before. She also seemed to have no regard for military regulations, with her loose hair, tattoo, and _seriously_ non-regulation clothing. Damp gold hair hung loose around her shoulders. She was barefoot, wearing a tank top and short sleep shorts that barely covered any of her body.

She looked like a goddess.

( _Though any girl would look like a goddess to a bunch of teenage boys._ )

"Of course, I won't really be settled in till I've destroyed something." A sharp toothed grin spread across her face as she listened to the voice on the other end. "What, do you _want_ me to break something?" An outraged squawk was clearly heard along with what was probably a long, furious lecture or rant. She smirked the whole time she listened. "Fine, fine. Don't get your knickers in a twist." She held up a hand as if making a vow. "I solemnly swear I will do my _very_ best not to destroy anything." She paused. "Maybe."

She listened for a moment longer, a tiny smile curling her lips up. "All right, ya fussbudget, I have to go. Long day tomorrow and all that. Right, say hi to Hawkeye for me. Bye." With a sigh, she replaced the phone on the hook.

Her whole posture changed as she stood upright. Stretching her hands up to the sky, her back popped and she sighed. "Ah, that's better." She rolled her shoulders as she headed down the hall. "Better get ready for classes tomorrow. So much to do, so little time to do it."

They watched her walk away, a slight limp evident in her gait. Gryder hissed in a breath and pointed a shaking hand at her retreating form. Xon and Hiro followed his finger.

She had a metal leg.


End file.
